I'm not entirely sure how much more sitting in the background I can take. I feel my entire life so far has been like watching everything unfold on television. I feel like a failure. I can't hold onto anything for long. I can't keep to what I say I'm going to keep to.
I make goals I never reach.
On the turning of the year, I said I'd do things for myself. That for once in my life, I would thinking of myself FIRST and everything else would follow second. But I haven't. While I haven't been miserable per say, I've been fairly unhappy. I feel like I'm stopped in place and everything is moving around me so quickly. Things are happening and I don't have a voice in any of it. I never did and I never will.
And I like him more than I said I did. I'll never let on how much he means to me, and instead I'll be there when he needs me because he's busy being bummed out that his best friend who he has fallen for won't leave her boyfriend for him.
I'm always helping pick everyone else up....but no one wants to help me.
